Callmeserenity writes about life and organic food:
But the thing I’ve always wanted more than anything else is to finish college. I want to learn, I want to have a degree and do something worthwhile. I want to travel and see the world. I want to leave a footprint. I don’t want to be famous or rich or write books or make movies. But, I want to make a difference somehow. And I want to learn! I like learning. I am a very curious person, I want to know things. I am a bit obsessive about languages and mythology. I want to learn linguistics so I can understand language better. Maybe be a translator, maybe teach English around the world. There’s so much I could do! I’m wasting my life being a secretary.
So, I feel like I’m not ready to get married or have kids because I haven’t finished college yet. The problem is, I keep getting older and older and no closer to getting a degree and it makes me feel like I’m wasting my life away. And then, if I don’t get my act together, I’m going to end up degree-less, child-less and husband-less living all alone with several cats (that will begin to eat my dead body before people realize I’m gone). And with only two stamps in my passport.
So, my feelings of jealousy and frustration stem from my own perceived inadequecy. I’m not accomplishing the things I want to accomplish. I’m failing at my own life, and therefore I envy those that aren’t.
There, how’s that for a self-evaluation? It helps when your best friend is a psychologist.
Now, on the upside: I am doing what I can. I’m paying off my debts and trying so very hard to save for when I have the opportunity to go back to school. I volunteer. I roof houses and donate to food pantries and buy organic foods. I try to be good at my job and to be nice to all the TIMS in my life. I clean up after the grands and call my mother. I am trying to use the time I am given. I don’t know what else to do, but to keep trying. Even if I feel like Sisifus sometimes.